Men's 4XI vs Surbiton Sparticans

Hello all, and how about that for an exclamation point at the end of this half of the season? We talked about playing with intensity, putting down early pressure to dictate the terms of the game, and using a high tempo, high press structure to constrict Surbiton. I’m not sure I’ve seen us carry out a game plan with such focus and determination.

Pretty much everyone in the side had their best game of the season. Everyone worked exceptionally hard to maintain what turned into a relentless squeeze on the oppo. Surbiton were no mugs but they simply didn’t have an answer to our press. I’ve been talking about a result like this as ‘coming’: we’ve worked hard this season, we have a very talented squad, we just needed things to click for us. Well, it looks like we’ve found the recipe.

Breaking out from 16s was straightforward, Duncs and Alex playing the ball out with calmness and confidence. Some of the movement up the flanks was liquid, and the leads up top just never stopped. It’s like all the things we’re good at, and all the things we’ve done well this season, all came off for us in this fixture.

We bought ourselves time; we made the ball stick; we switched sensibly and at pace; we found space; we played some super triangles; and we found the back of the net. As an all-round display, I’d be surprised if Surbiton have faced much better this year. 4-0 felt pretty much right.

So that’s four wins out of the last five, with the loss at OKs giving us exactly the kick up the hockey shorts that we needed. It’s just a pity that we seem to be absolutely hitting form as we break for five weeks. However this half season has been a fantastic learning curve for us, and we’re positioned nicely to have a little run in the new year; maybe see if we can sneak into that top three.

Spike

Perhaps his quietest game of the year, which speaks volumes how well we defended beyond the D, all the way up to the halfway line. But it only took one crucial if slightly spawny save at 2-0 to make sure the momentum stayed with us, and to be sure these are moments which definitively change games. A bit of luck here, a toe on the ball there - that can be the difference between suddenly being on the backfoot, or maintaining your grip on the game. Kept the intensity up with his gob, but for the most part just wandered around a bit.

Maj

Pretty flawless game from Britain’s moaniest driver. Marked solidly all match, talked well, made himself available on 16s which Surbiton never seemed to pressure on, and made a couple of very un-Maj-like passes to boot. The lad looks like he’s playing with the confidence he had last year, and he’s now put a string of performances together which have been positive and mistake free. It would be good if someone could muzzle him when he’s on the bench, though.

Molly

Solid return for Captain Luncheon Sausage. Not one to panic on the ball, Molly was eating clock like a shipwrecked man who’s just found a tea chest full of Milkybars. Surbiton couldn’t get the ball off him when he slowed things down in the second half, giving our players a breather and dictating the terms of the game nicely. Most passes came off and when they didn’t he resorted to sensible hockey in the middle. May also require a muzzle.

Jonno

A simply fantastic performance from Mr Reliability himself. And I mean that 100% genuinely - as a defender he is so reliable and so hard to get around, jabbing in critical sticks in the middle of the park, beating wingers to the ball, and marking tighter than Dave Farmer’s disco trousers. But as I’ve said before, JW is now a threat on the ball as well. His passing - bar one - was crisp and accurate; his support play and positioning demonstrated all those decades of experience; and his attitude was spot on all game, as it has been all season. Jonno has become a real asset, and I feel good when he’s on the pitch in the same way I feel good when I spot my favourite barmaid behind the bar because only she knows how to make a Bloody Mary the way I like it.

Pringle

Yes, he’s like a big cuddly character from Monsters Inc, albeit a pink and orange one with a shaved body, but he was like an industrial Flymo in midfield in this game. Covering more Astro than an accidentally purchased outsized gazebo, the boy was everywhere. He was excellent in the tackle, unstoppable on the counter, and his injections had the accuracy and consistency of a very experienced drug addict. Pringle’s “disrupter” role in the middle means he can fly under the radar - there’s not much flashy stuff going on in the trenches - but then he’ll pull out a pulsating run through the middle, reminiscent of a sprinting water buffalo crashing his way down the slopes of the Limpopo valley. You lot don’t know how lucky you are to be witnessing stuff like this.

Duncs

A sensational shift from the man with a centre of gravity lower than the worm version of Rich Lee. Dave pivots like a roulette wheel, using his body to shield of unwanted oppo attention, and wiggles his way out into open territory to find a chef’s kiss pass. And he does this all game long, and teams have zero way of stopping it. It slows things down creating time and space for Dave’s supporting cast to get themselves into advantageous positions. And if it wasn’t for that two inches of goalpost metal, Duncs would have the same number of goals for the club as I do.

Charlie

We’d heard good things about this lad, but my goodness what a difference he made in the middle. Clogging things up like a massive pile of unknown detritus in your front gutter, Charlie came out of duels as the emphatic victor every time. He has awesome stick skills and is able to dig the ball out from between his feet better than perhaps anyone I’ve ever played with. He was strong in the tackle, vocal, and brought about a number of counters just through perseverance. I would absolutely not mind him being available again.

Jack A

What can you say about this man that hasn’t presumably already been written in his own version of the Bayeux Tapestry. Sources tell me the blue plaque people are already hunting for his birthplace. Jack has turned into such a quality hockey player, even though we all knew the ability and the confidence were always in there. The best ability though, so they say, is availability, and stringing a whole bunch of games together has elevated Jack from ‘awesome player when he’s around’ to ‘instant Epsom legend’. He tracks, he leads, his passes are smoother than a a tortoise’s tummy lathered in butter, and he scores goals too. If I ever get round to making a Top Trumps game of Epsom Hockey Club, ladies and gentlemen I think we know who would be top trump.

Rich

I wrote to Oxford University Press last week but they said they didn’t have any more superlatives to describe Rich. I mean where do you start? He has a heart bigger than an especially compassionate blue whale; he has the engine of a cross channel ferry which has just had an extensive retune; and he has the grim determination of a bloke going Christmas shopping in Primark the day before he travels down to visit his awful relatives in Somerset. It’s just a pity he has the kneecaps of a particularly brittle Fabergé egg. Still, Rich was pure class in this game, throwing himself about like a flying squirrel, getting in people’s faces, and posing a constant threat on the break and up the middle. Surbiton felt the pressure incessantLee.

Jack M

Really strong game from Jack, apparently taking a break from filming the latest film version of the Three Musketeers. Jack is just very good on the ball - he kills it stone dead, he is able to get through blocks and sticks, and he offered us a fantastic outlet all game. Made himself useful as cover when Surbiton tried to break away, and played with a high hockey IQ, something we’re not necessarily used to seeing in this squad. Jack got involved in some gorgeous stuff up the right, and seems to be hitting form just in time for the big 2026 push.

Boydy

I once bought my cat a little wind-up toy which moved around in all different directions, whizzing up and down the living room and never seeming to run out of power. Had I known him back then, I would have named this toy Tom Boyd II. I love Tom’s energy, I love how involved he gets, and I love his bouncebackability. I don’t mean this to sound like he’s chaotic - he’s just about the right side of that. He gets in brilliant positions, his passing into the D has got better and better, and his calling and confidence are exactly where you want them to be. Boydy set the tone for this game with his attitude - and the team followed.

Gaz

A masterclass up top from the Gazman. Always available, always showing good options, and always able to make the ball stick despite some pretty heavy one-on-one pressure from the Surbiton back line. Gaz’s twinkle toes and fairy dust magic worked pretty much every time against a determined but ultimately limited Surbiton line up. He was able to find space on the break, he linked up effectively with our attacking section, and he had defenders seeing stars all over the place. It’s no coincidence that we’ve started to click up front since Gazza came back from injury.

Ludders

Speaking of re-hitting form, how about this game from the 3rd Earl of Luddington? Against Surbiton things DID come off for Matt, the ball did stick, the runs were better timed, and the accuracy was there. Ludders has a proper cannon at short corners - believe me, I have to face them in the warm up - and his shortie goal today was just a perfect shot: very, very hard and right in the bottom corner. Just unstoppable. His other goal was possibly the team goal of the season, and something I’ve been asking us to do all year: fab work down the right, simple passing in the D, and dispatching efficiently and lethally. If Ludders can keep this standard up in the new year, there’s no reason why we can’t go on a little run.

Loz

Possibly Lawrence’s best ever game for us, with a goal which he’s deserved for a few weeks now. I imagine the Surbiton LB will be having a rough night’s sleep tonight, as Lawrence skinning him down the right wing and getting underneath comes back to him over and over again in a sweat-drenched recurring nightmare. Loz worked like a PoW all game, using his pace and acceleration to force Suburbiton onto the back foot, using his body work and stick skills to hold play up and maintain possession on the wings, and using his ginormous hockey brain to win about 47 short corners. England Hockey should use the tape of this match to show forwards up and down the country how they should be playing.

Alex

A calming, confident and consummate presence in a match where we needed to control time of possession, field position, and the psychological edge. Alex helped us dominate this game from start to finish, knocking lovely balls out from 16s, using his speed and strength to shut down any uncertainty in the middle, and delivering match winning passes to the flanks like a player who’s been playing for half a century. He defended stoutly, concentrated well, and made playing hockey look irritatingly easy. An incredibly impressive debut, and this week’s pretty much unanimous Man of the Match. Congratulations, Smithy!

And so we can down tools for a few weeks - and do please take your time to rest up, reflect, and think about some of the really excellent things we’ve achieved this year. We’re fourth in the table with six wins under our belt in what has turned out to be a very competitive division with a lot of talented teams in it. We haven’t always been at our best, but the clued up teams use those experiences as learning opportunities. This match was helpful because it also showed us what we need to do to get things right, and what happens when we do.

Before I go I just wanted to add my own personal thanks to all of you for making yourselves available, playing some fantastic hockey, and being a genuinely nice bunch of blokes. You’re easy to captain, you play in absolutely the right spirit, and it’s a real pleasure to play alongside you. I hope you all have a lovely break, and I’ll see you in the other side (plus some of you at the quiz!!!).

Spike