Men's 4XI vs Teddington Oaks

Hello all,

It’s traditional to start these match reports by saying how proud/pleased/disappointed/sad I am about the previous day’s game, but I’m not going to do that this week. I’m just going to say what a fun game that was to play in, and how much more enjoyable this season has been in terms of competitive, laying-it-all-on-the-line hockey, compared to last season. We may not be getting the wins, but we’re certainly having a good time. 

We turned in a really decent performance against a tough Teddington side, who are second in the division for a reason. They may have created the greater quantity and quality of chances, but I reckon possession must have been close to 50-50, there were spells where we looked fitter, sharper and more confident, and were it not for the existence of short corners and our problems with them at both ends, we would have surely, deservedly, taken points from this fixture. 

And given the fact that we had TEN players unavailable for this game, I think taking Teddies to the absolute brink is a real testament to our strength in depth, to the work put in by every player during this game, and to the spirit we’ve got in this squad. Going behind twice and coming back straight away is always a good indicator of resilience. Some of the tackling and man-for-man marking was fantastic, and the whole team performance demonstrated how determined we were not to go out without a fight. 

And there were a couple of moments where I thought we might actually go on and win the game. Half way through the second half a neutral might have thought, justifiably, that we were the more likely. Had we exploited their relatively weak defence a little bit more then I have no doubt we could have won this contest. And have no doubt, it was a contest alright: physical, competitive but without ever quite tipping over into aggressive or antipathetic. Just a brilliant game to have been part of. 

No one had a bad game. Everyone turned up and put a shift in on a sunny, blustery day. The work rate was phenomenal from start to finish, and there wasn’t a little skill on display too. The lairy home fans may have been celebrating at the end, but they knew they’d seen their side pushed to their limits, and must have been nervy at points. It took a jammy late p-flick and a last minute counter attack to sink us, which obviously IS disappointing, but we played our part in a terrific game of hockey, and you can’t ask for much more than that.

Spike

Better game from the keeper this week, as he decided to stay in the D for more than an hour of this game. Made two or three important stops, was a bit unlucky with the first goal, couldn’t do much about the flick and Maj’s own goal, but was clearly obstructed for the penalty corner goal. Don’t worry, he let the umpire know his opinion on the matter in a calm and composed way, as per. 

Maj

Another dogged performance with minimal flaws. Aside from a couple of stray passes, Maj looked confident and assured on the ball, made himself open and available hugging the touchline, and defended like a daemon. Some of his at-full-length interceptions were really impressive, and while his strength remains playing LB he filled in at CB and CDM purposefully at times. More level headed this week, his wet blanket pleas for the home crowd to moderate their behaviour fell on deaf ears, as you would expect, giving Maj the kind of aura you’d normally associate with an authority-less supply teacher in an inner city secondary modern, asking the marauding students to politely turn to page 57 of their maths books. 

Molly

Pretty solid game from Matt “The Mouth” Oliver. Long passing was kinda hit-and-miss, and while it can be frustrating to immediately turn the ball over from a sixteen, especially where we’ve worked extra hard to defend the D and get the turnover, it’s sometimes hard to argue when the next long-range pass perfectly bisects the Teddy midfield and goes straight to an Epsom stick. Molly dealt with pressure well, picked men up quickly when required, showed some silky slow-motion skills when pushing into deep midfield, and didn’t piss off too many of his teammates. So a win all round!

Jonno

Really tidy game as we’ve come to expect from a man who I suspect has an incredibly well ordered garage, a spotless shed, and a loft you’d be happy to eat your dinner in, that’s how tidy he is. Some of this lad’s tackling is off the scale. Up against a very fast and tricky winger he jabbed a stick in, disrupted, and got goal side time and again, and his positive passing up the line was pretty awesome. He gets better each week, and although we’re conceding goals, they’re not coming down the flanks, primarily because of Jolly Jo’burg Jonno’s persistence and tenacity. 

Jack A

Well known as a devastating weapon on the wing, Gentleman Jack Allen had to put his getting-stuck-in gauntlets on for this fixture. When space became a premium in the second half he drifted inside to get hold of the game, and the spell where we got on top was in no small part down to Jack’s aggression. Always an outlet, always a threat, always a late arriver in the D, I can’t believe he didn’t manage to pinch someone else’s goal again, although there’s still plenty of season left for the man they call the Hamburgler for his knack of stealing other people’s goodies. 

Nickels

Superlative half from the human octopus, shutting out the above-average Teddies midfielders, and keeping things awkwardly tight for them in the middle. The only time he got pulled out of position a ball squirmed through for Teddington’s opener, but aside from that he pushed himself up and down and side to side all across the park to frustrate the oppo. It made a big difference when he went off injured at half time, and you can’t help feeling having a couple more fresh legs, even bendy ones made of play-doh like Tom’s, might have made the difference in the last ten minutes. 

Dave

Peerless performance from the Grandmaster Orr himself, using strength, experience, skill and confidence to turn endless balls over when Teddies threatened. Dave played with style and panache - even when the oppo were determined to batter him into submission, he emerged unscathed and cool-headed. Most of our creative play came through Orr Snr, and he gave us a genuine edge in the middle of midfield, crucial when we were missing so many key players. Given his incredible work rate, I strongly suspect a hot bath and plenty of Savlon will have been the order of the day on Saturday night _chez Orr_. 

Nico

A jaw-dropping debut from Orr Jnr whose running covered an area just smaller than the Gobi desert during the course of this match, and I’m not sure he went off at any point either. Incredible engine plus a medium-sized speedboat’s worth of skills and ideas, Nico bossed midfield in the first half and for stretches of the second. Doubtless tiring legs allowed the game to open up a bit late on, but an hour and a bit’s worth of energy, guile, ambition and elite skills - plus a fantastic equalising goal - isn’t a bad return. Incidentally the Men’s 4s selection committee has convened and I’m happy to report that the verdict is “you’re welcome back literally any time, we think you’re fab” and that option doesn’t get used very often, let me tell you. 

Boydy 

Not sure you can ask for much more from a player than the stint TB put in v Teddies. Boydy is so industrious they’re thinking of adding him to the History GCSE syllabus alongside Henry Ford and I K Brunel. After an energetic first half where not everything clicked, Tom came out in the second half like a man possessed, hunting down, chasing, and getting stuck in to the oppo defence like a man who’d just seen Piers Morgan punch a pensioner. This forced Teddington on the back foot, and although they eventually recovered, there was definitely a spell where we could have gone on top, just by the force of Boydy’s will. His interplay up the right channel had Teddington turned inside out, so that’s something we need to look at doing more of. He did miss an open goal but otherwise - an immense game. 

Jack MF

Jack is a quiet lad who lets his hockey do the talking. And in this game, that talking would have been seductive, silken and possibly with a slight hint of a French accent, that’s how smooth it was. I trust Jack with the ball because his close control and his stick skills are probably among the best in this division. He gets past players, and the ball sticks to his stick like he’s slathered his stick in extra sticky Evo-stick - all we need now are some more frequent devastating through balls and maybe a goal or two. Jack looked more comfortable playing inside at the top of the diamond, which is maybe something to think about, but some of the moves up the right were tres belle. 

Ludders 

A return to the scoresheet for the man they say looks permanently surprised. Playing up front in this division can be a bit of a thankless task - it’s 90% putting defences under pressure and making things difficult for them, as the majority of the play at this level comes through midfield battling with an occasional breakaway. Chances come at a premium. Matt made most stuff stick and ran his proverbial Ludders off, but a little bit of gamesmanship from the Teddy Boys made life more difficult for him, and I’d like to see a more mobile, lower centre of gravity hockey position from him when he’s receiving passes. It’s not often I criticise a man for being too erect, but this might just be one of those occasions. 

Loz

Great to have the Marshmallow Man back, and he didn’t disappoint. Creating both our goals and pinning the oppo defence back to their byline multiple times gave us real hope for a result here. Teddington genuinely didn’t have options from the 16s very much at all, and when they did get the ball out they had to rush their passes and fill in gaps thanks to Lozza’s incessant pressure. His runs up their touchline had their left back wishing he’d taken up origami, and he caused mayhem when attacking the D. How their ump didn’t give a short when Loz got cleaned out right on the edge I’ll never know. Not that our short corners pose any threat, but frustrating all the same. 

Bish

A massive welcome back to the Right Reverend Bishop of Epsom, who brought along a performance the likes of which haven’t been seen since Laurence Olivier first decided to see what he looked like in tights. Bish outran, outmuscled and outplayed their left winger and nothing productive came down that route for them at all. But it was in possession where Bish earned his sanctification. Playing one-twos, bombing on, and threading throughballs into the spaces behind the Teddy LB and CB gave us tremendous momentum, and for his all-round play Matt B gets this weeks Man off the Match award. Congratulations!

So it wasn’t the result we wanted, and in all honesty probably wasn’t the result we deserved, that’s how tenacious we were. Teddington have won every game except v league leaders OCs, and I’ll be surprised if they’ve faced a much sterner test. I know I’m prone to writing overly optimistic match reports, but we really did play at a high level against a very strong candidate for promotion, and we lost by a whisker

Yes, we found ourselves under pressure, but we dealt with it so well. Multiple shorts were defended, shots were blocked, breakaways cut off, and possession consistently challenged. Teddington will be amazed they ended up scoring 4. But it was much closer than that, and there can only be a couple of really minor adjustments for us to make after a performance like that. Obviously short corner routines come to mind, although of course we were missing our A team for this game. Clearing meleés a bit more decisively might be another. And keeping going till the very last minute: we’ve been in games till very late in the day, and we keep getting caught by sucker punches in the closing minutes. It’s hard being behind and needing to score to get back in the game, but we can’t afford to throw caution to the wind, and we can’t afford to panic and try to force things. We need to just do our thing, build up, keep control, and force the oppo to panic. Goals will come, we just need to be more patient and more persistent. 

Lads, we’re so close, and while the fixture list looks a bit kinder to us between now and Christmas, we’re going to need to be at our very best to put a winning run together and get back in touch with the top four. 

Two dates for your diaries: November 15th is our social night at the clubhouse. Attendance is compulsory unless you have an excuse tighter than a tadpole’s terminus. We’ve got an absolutely top notch covers band, a load of alcohol, and a bunch of fab prizes to be won, so bring your wives, mistresses, friends, neighbours and irritating workmates along, and let’s see if we can a) raise a load of dosh, and b) have a legendarily classic night out. 

Second is December 6th for the club quiz night. Always fun, and we can accommodate one or two more if you fancy it. We won it last year (well, Boydy and I did, and it was mainly me, let’s be honest) so come and join us if you fancy a slice of the glory. Contact T. Nickels esq for details. 

So let’s get our heads up. Plenty of things to look forward to. Although I turn 50 next Monday, so that’s something I’m very much not looking forward to, but there we go. 

Get your availability down for the remainder of 2025’s fixtures, and I’ll see you all next week. 

Spike