Epsom Ladies 3’s – return to Winning Ways (4-1 vs Kenley)

AndrewM Match reports

Pre-match warm up was the usual routine – chitter, chatter, a bit of last minute ironing and a quick dance round the handbags. But hey, the Epsom ladies are seasoned professionals and knew they had this game won even before the first ball was touched – spooky and perhaps this premonition was just a warm-up to the Halloween Bingo next week when the real witches will come out (tickets available……).

Anyway, Epsom dominated (or was that dominatrix that we over heard?) the game and I am reliably informed were really great today.  Good flowing passes and some neat hockey was breaking out. Indeed the first half was all Epsom (apart from when Kenley scored – of course – doh), and went into half time as comfortable 3-1 winners. Now it should be noted the quality of the goals that were (perhaps) evidenced :-

Firstly Nat the destroyer who ran past 12 of the Kenley players (thinking that’s a bit odd – surely they should only have 11 players), before turning back and running past them all again (just to double count – and yes it was actually 10 plus the keeper), spinning in the D before reverse hitting the ball into the top of the goal, which pinged off the crossbar, onto the near post and then rippling the net for the most amazing goal that may have been scored.

And Cool as a Cucumber Collette, who whilst playing left back and not scoring often (should try the boogie lounge?) ran 200 yards up the pitch, then about 150 yards back onto the actual game that was being played and superbly connected with the ball, smashing it in for a rare defenders goal. Apparently someone else scored the third goal, but this was clearly insignificant by comparison.

Half time talk was positive, and consisted of knitting patterns, and cake mixes, and just knew that Epsom would score another 3 in the second half. However, seemed the talk of cake deflated the team and whilst the 4th goal was scored by Epsom (sure this was well taken and great as well – if anyone wants to claim it – feel free) the prize was the Malibu’s and cocktails awaiting back in the Epsom Club House to complement the Lamb casserole being served.

A great game by the Ladies 3’s and well deserved winners.

PS any reference to people, places, events, goals, dates, times or indeed anything above should be totally ignored, and not to be relied on or used as evidence in court.